Adoption is a heroic choice that is far from easy. One of the scenarios rarely talked about is deciding to place your baby for adoption when you have children in your home already. This does absolutely happen and is an area that deserves more attention. There are MANY reasons that a birth mom can choose to place her baby for adoption. At Connected by Love Adoptions we encourage birth-moms to make the best decision for her and for the baby, and we trust that she knows what is right for her situation.
A birth-mom may decide to place her baby for adoption even though she chose to parent others in situations like: Being faced with an unplanned pregnancy, already struggling to provide for the children she has, getting pregnant later in life without a desire to start over, infidelity, her career, etc.
Regardless of why she chooses it, it does add a layer of complexity when baby has siblings. If the siblings are young enough, they may not notice moms growing belly, and it may be an easy transition. But if they are old enough to be aware of what is happening, this may be very confusing and emotional for them. They may have a lot of questions, and not really understand why this is happening. We want to empower you to know that we believe you are your own best advocate, and we are here to support you.
Here are some tips on placing your baby for adoption when there are children present if your home:
You can still be involved in your baby’s life, even if you decide you are not in a place to parent them. By keeping these doors open, the baby and its birth-siblings are also able to stay connected and foster a relationship.
Let them know that you are choosing to place your baby for adoption because you love them. That you want them to have the best chance at a good life, and that you are going to ensure they get a great family. Address their concerns, and let their emotions be heard.
Have a Plan
This is an emotional time for all involved. While your kids’ feelings are valid, yours are too. You are the best advocate for your family, and even though they may not understand now, they will. Establishing a clear plan for how you will cope, and how you will help them process will help make it a little easier. Reach out, talk to someone. Do not carry this all alone!